Use self-soothing techniques to cope with difficult feelings

Subscribe to enjoy similar stories. As a therapist I’m often asked about activities and experiences that are soothing when one is dealing with big feelings and unpleasant emotions, or when one is not ready to share what they are feeling with others. Speaking to loved ones or a mental health professional is how some people may find calmness and perspective—at the same time it’s only one of the many ways.

Very early in life, we often unconsciously find spaces and activities that provide us calm. As we grow older, we become more aware of this and begin to mindfully engage in those activities and make them a part of our life. When I was a child, my father was often quite ill, and I always found hospitals to be unsafe spaces.

Though my dad would come back feeling better, hospitals evoked anxiety in me. While growing up, I was quiet and shy, which also meant everything I experienced, such as feelings of discomfort or thoughts that were overwhelming, I kept to myself. I found them too private to share with anyone and hence listened more and spoke less.

It was in reading that I found courage, hope, imagination and a safe space for different kinds of experiences and emotions. It became a balm to my agonies and something I could choose and go to when I wanted. Books made the present seem less scary and the future a goal worth aspiring for.

It is only in my 30s that I realised books are my soothing mechanism, my first choice when life gets hard and losses feel private and debilitating. Anyone who reads knows that books give you the space you need and find you in ways that are hard to describe. A client told me how his habit of reading evolved into deep diving into texts, which in turn led him to a PhD, and years later, to finding