The hidden struggles of your 40s: Why midlife feels so overwhelming

Subscribe to enjoy similar stories.A 42-year-old client says he is in a constant state of transition. “In my 20s and 30s, I felt I had to give everything to my work so that my business could settle. Now, in my 40s, I’m caught between caregiving for my unwell parents and trying to develop a sturdy relationship with my teenage children.

There is no breathing room or moment to sit and savour, even though I have the resources.”Another 39-year-old female client says while being single feels great given the autonomy she has, there are days she feels deeply lonely. “My happiness has been dipping for a year and it’s not about companionship. What I earlier found fascinating no longer feels attractive.

I feel stuck and have forgotten what it means to feel alive.”In my work as a therapist, a consistent and major theme is that the period between age 37 and the mid-50s is one of the most challenging times in people’s lives. Often this gets grouped under the umbrella term of “mid-life crisis”, of which I’m not a big fan.My sense is that how we navigate these years determines how we will step into our second innings of life. These years pose an existential dilemma as we stand at the crossroads, deciding which path to take and how to move forward.

The choice is largely about what to prioritise, what to accept, where to accommodate, what to let go, and whether this relates to values, our relationship with our body, work, or people in our inner circle. This demands a recommitment to who we want to become and how we want to lead our lives.I remember the year I turned 40: I got reading glasses, and then a frozen shoulder, which kept me company for more than a couple of years. I remember thinking how the body has a way of reminding us that