Good News: You Don’t Have to Sleep With Your Spouse

livemint.com:

Ever tried to get a good night’s sleep with your partner snoring or tossing around restlessly next to you? You’re gonna like this: Therapists and sleep scientists say it’s OK for couples to sleep apart as a growing body of research shows the striking importance of sleep. It’s a reversal from the long-held marriage tenet that once partners move to separate beds, the romance is dead. Sleep is “essential for a healthy body, mind and relationship," says Wendy Troxel, clinical psychologist, sleep scientist at Rand and author of a book on couples sleeping.

“It’s important to prioritize it." Therapists have a caveat. If you and your partner do move to separate beds, you need to find a way to continue to be intimate, both emotionally and physically. Co-sleeping provides important benefits for a couple, such as emotional closeness and opportunities for cuddling, sex and conversation.

Partners who sleep well together should stick with it. In the beginning of their marriage, Mark and Paula White shared the same bed. But neither of them was getting a good night’s rest.

Paula is a night owl who keeps the TV on, even when she’s asleep. Mark keeps a fan running at the foot of the bed and happily wakes up at 3 a.m. Once, he flipped over in his sleep and accidentally punched her in the face.

Another time, his snoring and “garlicky breath" made her snap and scream: “I can’t breathe! You’re taking my air!" That was 32 years ago. Since then, the Whites have mostly slept in separate rooms, even choosing separate beds on vacation. “We’re better people and we have a better relationship because we get better sleep," says Paula, 60, a business owner in New Albany, Ohio.