More Men Are Taking Care of Their Aging Parents. The Learning Curve Is Steep.

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Brandon Will, 41, put his writing career on hold to become a full-time caregiver to his mom. He takes her on slow walks, trying to encourage her without getting frustrated. He arranges phone calls with her friends, cleans, cooks, and helps her dress and bathe.

When she is thirsty, he gets her water. His mom, Janice Will, 72, has Parkinson’s disease and can’t walk unaided across the room. “It’s very humbling," says Janice.

She feels sad to have taken him away from the life he was building in New York. More sons are stepping in to care for parents. An estimated 18.7 million men cared for adults, up from 16 million in 2015, according to a 2020 report by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, and about half of caregivers provide care for parents or parents-in-law.

While daughters outnumber sons as caregivers, the gender gap is shrinking. About 47% of adults, ages 18 to 34, who care for someone with dementia, are men. Caregiving is difficult for everyone but it can take a particular emotional and financial toll on sons because they tend to keep things to themselves, don’t seek support, and feel uncomfortable providing personal care.

In many cases, it’s often millennial men who are taking on the responsibility just as they are trying to establish their professional and personal lives. “We don’t see many resources tailored to men, who end up feeling isolated," says Jason Resendez, CEO of the National Alliance for Caregiving. Three out of 10 caregiving men say they have tapped their savings to provide care, or reduced the amount they can save, says Brendan Flinn, senior policy adviser at the AARP Public Policy Institute, based on the 2020 caregiving report.