How to be a better listener
Subscribe to enjoy similar stories. I recently conducted a workshop on building relational resilience in intimate interpersonal relationships. One of the areas we focused on was how deep listening is key to strengthening relationships.
The participants spoke about the fact that there is an increase in terms such as “holding space for others" and “being mindful", but they do not see it translate into action in their intimate relationships. This leads to a feeling of not being understood or heard, which can create distance, resentment and impact how and what people share. While the act of being a good listener seems simple, it requires an active desire and intention.
The good thing is that we can all learn to be effective listeners in our relationships where our loved ones experience connection. It begins with prioritising and making space for deep listening. Given how we have become so used to multi-tasking, our devices come in the way of us actively showing up for others.
One client told me how when he was struggling with his job, he couldn’t tell his wife because he felt that she was constantly distracted by her phone and notifications from work. As he needed solace from his wife, he felt disappointed and hurt and chose not to share his thoughts with her as he was irked by her obsession with the phone. Listening to our loved ones requires mono-tasking—a singular focus on what they have to say.
This is the only way we can maintain eye contact, pay attention to non-verbal cues, silences and what they are not saying. Listening requires attentive presence. Begin with the first step of mono-tasking and scheduling time to actively listen so that others feel heard and seen.
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